Ode to Southern Rail

by Jemima Carter

Over the years I’ve had my fair share of train delays, but there is something about the months of October through to April that our rail system is particularly unable to cope with. I would blame it on the weather, but then the brilliant thing about trains is that they can be late every day for a month until that one snowy day that you think you can get away with a few minutes extra in bed and BAM: it’s three minutes early. Then of course there’s that one day every month or so when without warning or reason there will be no trains at all and you’ll be crammed on to a replacement bus service stopping in every tiny village known to man and have to stand for an hour with your head up someone’s armpit.

It’s all fun and games until you realise that the people who waited two hours for a train actually managed to get home before you. If you’re stuck for entertainment in these mammoth waiting periods, there’s always the apologetic tannoy announcement telling you what went wrong this time, whether it’s adverse weather (caused by rain, snow, fog, sun and pretty much every other condition imaginable), previous broken down trains, gas leaks, suicides on the tracks, signalling failures, or my favourite yet: “a delayed member of train staff”.

The funny thing is that when you manage to persuade someone to give you a lift in you sort of miss it. You feel almost like you’ve cheated when your classmates wander in at break after being terminated at some obscure station and walking through the snow for hours.

  The words “The sixteen’s cancelled” are inevitably followed by someone producing money and a quick trip to the co-op for food and can make for quite a nice evening every once in a while. Also, you can’t forget all of the weird and wonderful train memories: the carriage carol sing-a-longs, the bizarre conversations overheard, the ten-minute friendships with fellow passengers and the hysterical laughter in the quiet zones (sorry everyone!).

At the end of the day, the trains may be old, infrequent and rarely ever on time, but the journey to school somehow wouldn't be the same without them. Southern- I salute you.